How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off of it's head.
The Slasher likes nothing better than the merest whiff of a holiday season. It's as good a reason as any to start grinding the axe, sharpening the knife, donning that much loved mask and fixing on a specially tailored appendage – usually one that involves a sharp point or razor sharp edges.
The Slasher is always at his, or her, best when confronted by dimwitted teenagers. The kind who are more interested in booze, drugs and shagging than they are in the figure walking out of the shadows, a glint in its eye, a blood stained blade in its hand.
Dislikes : Absolutely everything, which goes some way to explaining their never ending rampage.
Likes : Fog, rain, cellars, broken light-bulbs and those blood curdling screams.
Level three warning : If faced up to one of these monsters then forget about it, you're already dead. Unless of course your life is a series of sequels, in which case there may be hope of being impaled another day.
Dear Mort -
Recently I asked my dearest to marry me. Now, she's a fair bit older than I, (about 1000-3000 years older, to be exact) and I am worried that if I don't elope, my family won't accept her in to their lives. They are very traditional and don't like to stray away from the norm, and she is a follower of ancient Egyptian religions and laws, and I am a Christian, but I really love my girlfriend and I can't stand the thought of marrying anybody else! She's quite beautiful, even though the years have aged her wraps and she smells a bit like dust, and I'm not sure when she looks at me if she can actually see me or her lovely eye sockets are just empty, but the love she shares with me is truly inspirational. What do I do!
Mummified With Love
True love is so hard to find, congratulations on finding yours! My advice to you would be to carefully broach the subject of your love with your family, test the waters, and if they can't accept you for who you are, and who you love, then perhaps it is time for you to evaluate how important it is to have them in your lives. If they tell you no, you cannot marry your true love, then there is no way you would feel comfortable in future situations concerning them. If they say yes, or even attempt to try to love her like you do, then there is no problem! But they can't change you even if they tried to, negativity in a budding marriage usually ends up in divorce! I don't think ancient Egyptians liked that idea very much, let me tell you! And remember, if all else fails, just keep in mind that Egyptians had a plethora of curses and booby traps that can keep your family shocked and scared and possibly beheaded for a long time to come!
DISCLAIMER This news letter is for fun. The articles are fictitious and we do not mean to cause any harm by printing anything controversial. (which we do ) We do how ever take pride in stirring things up, pissing people off, and generally providing a shock value for those with a twisted mind. Enjoy.
Our group of twisted writers...
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The Children (2008)
Lately Ive been delving into either older American fright movies or foreign horror fare. In both cases I've not been disappointed as a majority of modern American horror is pure dreck it was nice to get my fix elsewhere. Today Id like to tell you all about The Children (2008).
The Children is a superb British horror film. It is the story of two families coming together for the holidays and the mayhem that ensues. Now for me some of the scariest things are when the most innocent things come after you and toys and kids are the worst of the worst. You never see either coming until its too. Such is the case here. It is implied that some sort of illness is the cause for it all and you know that when one kid is sick soon all the kids are sick! Unfortunately this sickness turns the tots into murderous little monsters.
I know it sounds silly, but this is so well executed in the film that it is largely believable. The actors playing the killer kids do an amazing job with their evil giggles, vacant, knowing stares, maniac rages and downright malicious glee. These kids are SCARY! All of them! The adults fall to pieces in the face of their little darlings coming after them so mercilessly and are thus rendered irrational and unable to properly defend themselves.
The pacing is slow for the first half of the film allowing you to watch the behavior or the children evolve from irritability to murderous intent. But when the killing begins the snowy backdrop of Christmas soon turns scarlet with the blood of adults. There is some gore but not overmuch and the implied and actual violence should satisfy those who like the red stuff. But the real trick here is the horror of it all. It feels like the beginning of an apocalypse. Even if this becomes global and the adults shake of the unreality of it all to defend themselves what happens to humanity without children? We die of course.
Its a bleak film with terrific acting from all players, complex relationships and a truly terrifying premise. Rent it, download it, whatever just see it.